Falling Back
by Twilight Angel1
Summary: Um :Blinks: Dis is just a thingy I wrote in December... I was having a crap day... Anyway.. :coughs: enjoy...


Falling Back  
Heero Internal Monologue  
  
= = =   
  
There was a game I was taught. It's about trust. About friendship. One person would fall back into the arms of another. It would feel as though you fell forever, but instead of hitting the ground, you would find yourself landing safely in their arms.  
But I was never caught. If I fell back, I would keep falling down forever. No one cared for me, no one ever did, no one does now. I continued to train after the war, the rest of the Gundam Pilots wanted me to be fit, just incase another battle would start. I was the pilot of Wing Zero. The Perfect Soldier. A trained assassin. Heero Yuy.  
There were times when we'd take breaks, but still, I think everyone was too scared of me to take a section of time out of their busy schedules to get to know me. The only one who did was the pilot of Deathscythe Hell.   
Duo Maxwell was an American pilot... I'm not surprised. I mean, the only people who were there to save the earth were me, a Japanese Pilot, Quatre, an Arabian, and there was Wufei too. He was a Chinese pilot and Trowa... god knows where he's from. He hardly even knows his name, and there was Duo. An American pilot, sure, he joked a lot. Whenever we got too uptight, whenever someone needed comforting, whenever we were scared... whenever he was scared.  
  
But the war was over, everyone had moved on. Sally Po, she had gotten married, Noin had gone off somewhere, and Relena was probably around bugging everyone she knew and Dorothy? Well, it's hard to say where she is, maybe with Relena, either that or off by herself. But I wouldn't count on it. Nobody's heard from Trieze, no wonder, he's dead anyway, and I think Zechs has gone off by himself. Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and I had crashed at Quatre's place for a while, but then Duo finally left and Wufei did sometime after that. It was just us three left, but Trowa and Quatre were too involved in themselves to notice me, so I took my leave.  
Did anyone notice? Probably not. The only person who cared for me ever was Duo. Why? I honestly don't know. I just know that whenever I wanted to die, Duo would stop me. Whenever I was actually showing emotions, Duo would comfort me. And I still don't know why!  
  
The only thing I know is that I can't go on without Duo. The only reason my life wasn't shit was because of Duo. He stopped me from doing something that would ruin my life. Would ruin his life. He stopped me from killing myself.   
Damn him! Can't he see I want to die?! Can't he see that? But now he's far away, there would be no way for him to see what I really want. And does he care? Probably not. No one cares for me, no one ever did.   
But then again there must have been at least one time when someone did care about me? Or at least that person actually showed it.  
  
Maybe I was meant to be alone. I have nowhere to stay, nowhere to live. I hardly know who I am... then again, I never really did know who I was.  
The only thing I know is that I was given my name after my training with Doctor J was complete.   
  
And now? The five of us have finally gathered for a reunion. Or should I say seven. Relena and Hilde decided to join us. Just another great thing to add to my list of great things that happened this god-damned week, this god-damned year, shit. This god-damned life of mine. My whole life is screwed up, full of wars, bloodshed, lies, secrets, pain, and anger. I can't remember a time when I ever walked the streets without a gun near me, ready to fire at any suspicious people. I can't remember a week when I spent more then a day out of my Gundam. I can't even remember a second when I didn't have to worry if I was to die or to live. I still do.   
  
I can't stand the way Duo shoots pitying looks in my direction. Or the way Wufei avoids eye contact. Quatre tries his hardest to make me happy, he does, it never works, though. Trowa, all he does is stare out the window. Never smiles, only stares. He tried once to make me smile, make me laugh, but being as I am, I didn't, so he gave up. But thank god Relena has stopped trying to make me her own teddy bear. I guess someone talked to her, told her to stop, to leave me alone. Either that or she finally came to her senses and stopped by herself. And Hilde just ignores me. I guess she's mad that she didn't get Duo and blames it all on me. I'm not one to usually say this kind of stuff, but it's just not fair!   
  
Oh God. Look at me... what am I turning into? Someone who can't stand to live another second, someone who can't stand to take another breath, to walk another step. To shed another tear.  
  
I'm alone in this world. I'll always be. I'll fall back, and no one will catch me.  
  
= = =  
  
~Owari~  
  
Like it? Hate it? (-- Hope not!) Anyway, reviews are welcomed... you can even e-mail me if you feel so inclined to!  



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